i lay here in my lola's room, in a bed big enough for two, with only the light emanating from this little old lap top. otherwise, it is pitch dark... but i'm still not scared. i feel a little dizzy except the room does not spin. instead, it wobbles, back and forth, back and forth... like a sideways nod. on my itunes michael buble sings of going home. i am not homesick.. no. although i do miss laughing randomly with my brothers and sister, and at the funny things my mom and dad do, i see this as my vacation. not from my family... but just time i suppose i found myself needing but not being able to find... the one i needed LAST week..!   whatever... better late than never, right? ugh! i have insomnia right now... why am i awake at 4 o' clock in the morning?! it's bunsy's birthday today.. i'm extremely excited. i got him something cool... i MADE him something cool. buuut i don't know if he'll recieve it today.. he's busy :(   i want to smother him with love.. i truly am grateful that this world was blessed with his soul in my time... not last century, and not the next... but mine. cuz somehow, without doing a thing, he makes me sincerely happy... and it's kinda pure... like milk (do you understand that?! milk!) and without knowing it, i've learned valuable lessons... free lessons! they've been considered and accepted. in a strange way, he IS a vampire... the one that i couldn't help but fall in love with... the one that's teaching me lessons on life and love, struggle and success, happiness and joy. "i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)" and i trust you with mine. i couldn't have said that whole heartedly last week... but somewhere between now and then, he's helped me grow... somehow... i don't know how. but he did. how is he so wonderful?! how DID he capture my heart ? cuz from reviewing how we met, from what our solid foundation was supposed to be, under normal circumstances, there isn't even supposed to be a relationship here. under regular conditions, he wouldn't have looked back my way.. not a second glance. but he did... why?? for what reason?? how am i so lucky and so special?! no matter... i am grateful things just turned out the way they did... and for that, i cannot possibly take back anything that has already happened. i cannot regret. a little more than 2 decades ago, this wonderful blessing in the form of a baby boy was born.. i'm glad that i've been given the chance to experience him.. and to SHARE some expericences WITH him. happy birthday, Buns! i love you soo much! still awake at 4:20 in z morning, but hoping to slip away to dreams filled with love, Katherine Chubs Azurin

it's no wonder i always turn to you for help! august 16, 2008... thekennection... subscribe to it and find urself addicted!

today was a great day.. my fams was supposed to hit up soak city to celebrate my birthday way in advance. but seeing as how we all woke up minutes past noon and had not yet eaten breakfast, we decided today would not be such a good day. INSTEAD, we decided to go to 3rd Street promenade and Santa Monica Pier... good thing to! at the amusement park, we would seperate from the parents and journey on to the water slides and human heated pools of water... at the promenade, we stuck together.. watching the little shows, shopping, eating, laughing, bonding.. it was a good day!

and now i lay here at 3 o' clock in the morning, very tired... but not sleepy. i need to wake up early tomorrow and i want to sleep but something's keeping me up. what that is, i don't know but  i'm up.. so i journey decide to xanga. i read my brother's web entry from this past weekend and my.. he IS right. i can vouch for that... that you will never be ready, and that things will never be the same.. that eventually the heart will heal.. but not like new. that one day it will just happen and you'll be ready to fall again... for me, i just woke up one day, took a deep breath, and decided that the night before was going to be the last day that i was going to sulk in my misery.. that today would be the beginning of my recovery. and i believed it.. and guess what! my smile came back, i heard myself giggle, and the world just seemed to smile back. at one point, when i was hurting, i decided that i didn't want to fall again.. NOT that i wouldn't fall again, cuz i knew i would.. but that i didn't want to because it hurt too much. but i've found myself fallEN.. and i'm doing just fine. i'm glad that w/ a little help from the people around me, i was able to push myself to healing from my broken heart.. because now i have a heart to give.. and it's stronger than before, wiser.. more experienced... anyhoo.. i should try to sleep. thanks for reading my mumbojumbo from the wee hours of z morning. pancakes, waffles, toast.. no matter what you call it, i will eat it! sincerly, Kathy

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